Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
do nipples grow back?
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