oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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