But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
