I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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