I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
