So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
