this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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