she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
