2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
