2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
