So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
