He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
