Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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