I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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