I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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