I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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