you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize