How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
