And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
