And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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