Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
