nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
