Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
