Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
