if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
