I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
