best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
