Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
