how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
