So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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