I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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