Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
