Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
where am i from again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
