i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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