We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think my moral compass just broke
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
