What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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