Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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