He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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