I want to stick my p in your. b.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
