The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
