I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
