So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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