i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
