the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
