I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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