Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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