I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
