Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
