i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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