mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
