he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
