Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
