dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
