i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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