Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
