Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
