I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
