That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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