Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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