i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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