She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
