he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
